In case you missed it! My co-host Melissa, from Home on Deranged and I, changed the format of The True Tales from the Pink & Blue Trenches. Yes it is still on Thursday. Yes it is still funny, sad and always honest. However, we ended the girl vs. boys format and now it is potpourri style parenting series…We just didn’t want to encourage stereotypes and honestly, we just didn’t find much difference…well except for the underwear.
This week, I decided to ponder the parenthood battle of the infamous mommy style.
Like as in clothes? No.
As in parenthood. Did I learn something new? Every day.
Looking back at this month, I experienced anxiety, joy, sadness and pride- in various situations. The only concrete message. Who I don’t want to be.
I had a eye-opening experience at a child’s birthday party, was surprisingly asked what a virgin was, saw sheer joy emanate from child, was amazed by the self reliance of my toddler and was let down by a fellow mom that I greatly respect. It was a circle that ended in a revelation.
Am I a helicopter mom? Should I try to be a tiger mom? Did you know there is a book on how French moms parent at specifically in regards to dinner time? I have read Toddler 411, How to unspoil your child fast and Superbaby. I am surrounded by strong, beautiful mothers on-line and in real life.
I fully admit, I get some things terribly wrong.
In example; The birthday party.
My son has talked endlessly about his friend at school and was invited to his birthday. His first non-relative party. He was elated. It fell during his nap time, but he is four so naps are not always a must. Just remember Hayden is not a good night sleeper. I must tell you, I was eager to meet my child’s best friend and his parents.
He was one of 5 or 6 boys and it was obviously the least confident and aggressive in group. I was the only parent who stayed during the party ( I had never met the parent). Hayden obsessively asked to play with LEGOS. (Legos were mentioned on the invite and we know he has a slight obsession). He cried, he tattled and he at times he verbalized to me he felt left out. After he sobbed, because another child was pretty rude and ignored him when he asked to play. I quickly hugged him and actually told him to shake it off and move on or we would leave.
In retrospect, I still do not know how I should have handled his emotions, except I should have done it privately. My response served no real lesson and probably looked REALLY bad to the hosting mom. Hayden asks everyday to play with this child, and I am not sure his mother was impressed with OUR behavior.
Sometimes I get it very right.
At the library sat a mom, who was hard at work on something. Next to her, a sleeping baby in a car seat and (running around like she consumed 3 espressos) a six year old girl. The girl very badly wanted Hayden to play with her. She whisked him over to the children’s area and I sat by in earshot observing Henry. This little girl was dancing, tumbling, singing and trying to get Hayden to do the same. Every now and again, her mom would say, without looking up, “make sure you are behaving!”
I heard Hayden tell her several times he couldn’t do this or that or jump on the furniture. Then he suggested, “Let’s read”.
I was proud of my son and after a short while, I politely excused us and left. It wasn’t for me to reprimand another person’s child. In the car, I expressed how glad I was that he behaved well. I felt sad for the other child, she obviously needed time to burn off that energy and it wasn’t her fault the location chosen was not appropriate.
Sometimes I have NO clue.
Hayden asked me, what a virgin was. Several times, he wasn’t letting this go. He mistook the word “version” in a previous reply and zeroed in on that word. I maturely helped my son sound out the correct word. Then I immediately, pulled my husband in to a separate room and laughed very quietly.
The day I actually have to explain virgin, WAY WAY WAY in the future. I will tell him this story, to buy me the time, to figure out what exactly say.
Then there are the moments where I wonder
A facebook post from a respected community member, acquaintance and fellow stay-at-mom read “Mom Bloggers needed to get over themselves” and much more. Several other moms, I know in real life began to chime in about how “(mom bloggers) think they are so perfect” and we needed to “get real”. I can’t lie, it hurt. I am a proud mommy blogger. I can only hope she visits my blog, because I would welcome her with my sloppy crafts and recipes that aren’t always pinterest perfect.
In response, I left a friendly comment, but in the morning plenty of other bloggers had been more direct in their response. It wasn’t my place to pimp my blog in her post and it’s not my style.
I am a real mom. I don’t fit a “mom style” or mold or category.
I am emotional, I make mistakes. I worry excessively, that I am messing up. Sometimes I watch with wonder or stare temporarily dumbfounded. I laugh. I cry and I learn as I go. Sometimes, I hover too much. Sometimes I need to be more structured. Sometimes, I should have let it go.
Is there a particular right way to parent? Every generation, culture (even some mothers) thinks they have the perfect method. I change with the situation, the day and often, I might handle a situation based on my individual child.
I am never one any one style, but I am always present and open to learn.
Thank you for checking out The True Tales from the Pink & Blue Trenches series! We appreciate your visit and enjoy your commentary!