Welcome back to The True Tales from the Pink & Blue Trenches, a blog series focused on the ups & down, hilarity and the not-so laughable moments of parenting young kids.
Co-hosted by the always fabulous, tech-savvy, wife and mama- Melissa from Home on Deranged.
After 11 years of marriage and two young boys- I present to you, my thoughts on How Having Children REALLY Changes Your Marriage. Can you relate, probably to a few. Maybe all. Surely there is more to add and still to discover. I look forward to every moment of it. Most days. Okay some days….alright, at this moment. I cherish these little things in my crazy life.
Less sleep. Duh. Sleeping when the baby does might be possible, but not when you are a stay at home mom with a toddler and preschooler. My children are not great sleepers as it is. It has been 5 years already- my “baby brain” is now permanent and I walk around in a constant zombie state (only a little prettier and less bloodied)
Sex is Taboo. Turn off the radio, TV is on Disney 24/7… because otherwise I am asked questions that make me spit out that much needed coffee. I hide my lady parts, in this male only house, way better than I did in high school. Otherwise I am asked about pubic hair, nipples-and tattoos. Of course, I want to be honest with my kids about why mommy has three belly buttons (aka belly button and nipples), but nothing can shrink your self-esteem faster than a four year old.
“Mom, your belly is big (poke) is there a baby in there?”
Or “Mom, your butt is WAY bigger than mine. WAY WAY bigger.”
Night clothes get unattractive. Yep, your boudoir attire gets comfy and more flannel. My four year-old said my anniversary gift of Pj’s and slippers…”were so fancy” Lets hope he never examines the far back of my closet or ever investigates the sock drawer…because once upon a time…. there was less flannel and more lace.
Oh yes, Dad and mom are on the DL for ANY privacy, since as I mentioned above, we have such poor sleepers. Sounds fun and mysterious?…it can be….but almost always requires timing and a plan. Spontaneity is rare. Yeah baby, schedule me that romance. Allow me the opportunity to comb my hair and try to look a little less like I have had boogers flung at me all day. Please give me five minutes to apply a bit of make-up!
Less money. Food, clothes, entertainment, school, LEGOS…etc. I think children eat money.
You need a get-a-way. Before kids, that was a week in Jamaica. Now It is a torturous fitness class (to help take care of that WAY BIGGER BUTT) called TRX. . Yes I needed out of the house and away from the boys that badly. At one point, a mom almost threw up during the class. It is just a long suspended strap, instructor and you. Resistance training. Yes, I cry the next day, but it is 45 minutes mommy time-out.
Silent “discussions”. You begin to know your partner so well you can communicate in grunts, sighs and eye rolls. Because when your kids are little, there is little time to actually converse. He knows when I am mad. I know when he is “in the mood”. No words required. It’s a special twinkle you get when your married, with children. Your eyes, turn into mood rings.
You also become an amazing speller.
“Do you want to go to P-A-R-K? How some I-C-E C-R-E-A-M” and some less PG words
Farts and poop are dinnertime conversation– but you might hold the curse words. Hello I am a mom. I look at poop. I never really examined it before I had kids. Same with mucous. It tells more of a story than a fortune teller with tea leaves. I cannot tell you how many times, my husbands sits down at the dinner table and is greeted by…. “Henry’s poop was pretty runny today- did you give him anything with egg in it?”
It is really interesting though, when one of the boys is not well. I will say, “Is his snot yellow or clear? Is his poop green or black?” My husband will say, “I DON’T KNOW! I DIDN’T LOOK!” Apparently only I see poop or mucous. A lucky sixth sense, I guess.
Hi Honey! I am home! Imagine working eight hours and coming in the door for delicious dinner. This must be the worst time of day for my husband. It often involves tears, screams and tattling. Sometimes its the boys, sometimes it is me. It is more often “Here is your dinner, here are your kids and I am headed to TRX. Good luck, I love you, and may the force be with you”.
Like father like son. There are times I see so much of my husband’s traits in my kids. This is equally good and bad. Sometimes when the kids act up or leave dirty clothes next to the hamper. I grow instantly mad at him. Since they obviously “got that from him.”
There are times I look in the mirror and see MY mom. I am okay with that. My hubby might be more on the fence… just NEVER mention this subject is in bed. It is a quick mood killer. Oh and if mentions your butt looks good in those jeans . Don’t mention they are hand-me-downs from his mother…
Eye candy. Yep even when I am out with the family. I might notice some one, noticing me, in my hot pajama jeans. I am like “yeah, I still got it.” Once a very jealous girlfriend, now a tired mommy- When I see a gal check out my husband….I am like, “Whatever. Do your see how tired his off-spring made me?”
Yes, hubby after all of these years and two kids, still looks hot. When I notice. He has the ability to grow a goatee, shave a goatee (maybe even lose twenty pounds)… and it isn’t until I see a photograph- that I am like, “babe, did you shave?”
However, if I part my hair to the left instead of the right….and it goes unnoticed? Well, he gets that special silent, eye treatment. However the kids had nothing to do with that.
How has having children changed your marriage? Do share in the fun with us!
Make sure to come back next week (and before) as Melissa from Home On Deranged, co-author of The Mother of All Meltdowns AND NOW Motherhood May Cause Drowsiness shares her next #TrueTales with us!