So this is a tough post. Sensitive subject. IVF.
Chuck and I got married in 2003. We both looked forward to starting a family, but agreed to enjoy “newlywed time” for about 1 year. Then we planned to begin our family. Many of our friends were young parents and I HAD A PLAN! I wanted to be a mommy by age 26. Yep I set that goal. For both of us.
Well each month, I would hope. Then I read. Then I prayed. People would unintentionally say things that hurt. Just stop trying so hard. Worse yet, everywhere I went, I heard stories of people conceiving easily, sometimes unintentionally, sometimes a 2nd or 3rd time. Our friends children were growing, no longer babies. Some starting school.
Over time our marriage had issues . We weren’t communicating. We took a pause… It was a sad time.
With much hard work, we THANKFULLY got our marriage back on track. I turned 30, well past my goal age. We attended adoption seminars. I had several (some invasive) procedures. One procedure which was “exploratory” ended with an unexpected, emergency appendectomy. I had endometriosis and it was severe. All of my life, I had accepted a painful “time of the month”. I didn’t know any better. The endometriosis was everywhere. The clinics still didn’t define this as the reason we were not conceiving , but it was definitely a good possibility. We went through 3 rounds Intrauterine Insemination. My heart was breaking and financially times sometimes were tough. We had insurance, but not everything was covered and we’re a paycheck to paycheck family. So we decided, enough was enough. We would adopt, and attended more seminars. It is unbelievably expensive. Like, scary expensive. We decided, we would do whatever we had to, in order to be parents. Because we would be good parents.
By this point, I couldn’t talk about kids without crying. Some people knew, but no one knew what to say. Sometimes the better option, was not to say anything.
Then driving to work one morning, I decided we HAD to find a way. We could not stop trying medically. I can’t explain it, but it was an overwhelming need to try. We had previously discussed IVF (briefly) and decided it was not for us. The cost. The drugs. Multiple babies. It just wasn’t an option for us. Back then…
We would undergo IVF. In Vitro-Fertilization.
Everything moved fast. At the time it didn’t seem to, but looking back now….We attended an IVF seminar to learn how to administer the shots. Shots for weeks in the stomach and buttocks. (Incidentally, I should mention at this exact time my job was down-sized. Luckily, I was quickly re-employed locally.) I had numerous appointments, sometimes 2 or 3 a week. Multiple trips to the pharmacy (NOTE: not all pharmacies carry these drugs). Hot flashes. The extraction of the eggs. More drugs. Implanting. Bed rest. More shots. More hormones. Ultrasounds. Exams.
I was fortunate, my brand new employers were fully aware of what was happening. Not sure how we could have quietly undergone SO MANY doctor appointments and procedures. Although it was small, the whole office knew.
We started IVF in July and in October (2009) we were confirmed pregnant. I would have our son, Hayden at age 33 and his brother Henry, at age 35. And I feel… no… I AM blessed. Every. Single. Day.
Thinking back through it all, I know we are a WAY stronger couple and better parents than we would have been at 26.
Just a bit more tired. 🙂
(Please note this was a deeply personal post to share. Please kindly be considerate with words if you choose to comment- THANK YOU! JF)